


sometimes biology is a thing

by TaoHan0502



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, confused doyoung, helpful yuta, idk what this even is, organic chem am i right???, taeyong is fun, thought I had a plan but it failed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2020-11-22 15:07:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20876213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaoHan0502/pseuds/TaoHan0502
Summary: organic chem is what brought them together and he’s kind of happy about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what this is, but maybe it's cute? I say that for a lot of stories. I just wanted to write a college au. excuse my horrible knowledge of it, I don't go to school myself

Frustration made itself apparent on Doyoung’s face as he threw his pencil at his textbook. “Hey, that book never did anything to you.” Taeyong sulked.

“Shut up. You’re not the one taking organic chem.”

“Yeah, but aren’t you the one that chose it?”

“Not willingly!” He groaned, head falling back as he tried to even his breathing. Eventually, he stood up. “I’m going to get some coffee. Do you want anything?”

  
  


When Doyoung was younger, he watched one episode of NCIS and thought,  _ wouldn’t it be cool to do what they do?  _ Really, that was his first mistake. He didn’t hate it, per say, but there was a lot of added things that came with majoring in forensics. One of those things being organic chem. God, he just really needed this semester to end and then he’d be done with his second year and oh look he’s halfway there. 

From the start, Doyoung was wishing it all to end already. He even almost dropped out one night, after crying about student loans and hating his math teacher (he got a C in high school). Taeyong talked him out of it, bless his soul. They hadn’t really known each other when his breakdown happened, had simply been paired as roommates that fateful autumn day. He stumbled- literally- over Doyoung when he was in his existential crisis and did his very best to calm him down. To say they were anything less than best friends now would be just unlawful. He’d seen him cry for goodness sakes. 

Still there were days when Doyoung still fretted, had his ‘what if’ moments about whether or not it was a good thing he kept going. Today was one of those days.

He’d been to their school cafe enough for the barista to remember his order and he told him he’d size it up- a blessing that Jaehyun was. He smiled all dimple-y and cute and Doyoung swooned. Well, momentarily, as he glanced to the left and saw Jaehyun’s boyfriend perched up on a stool.

He’d kind of been an embarrassment when he had first met Jaehyun, stuttering and calling him cute because no other words came to mind. Johnny was quick to butt in, very pointedly making it known who he was and that if he ever called Jaehyun cute again his face would suffer the most. Doyoung had laughed it off, but Jaehyun looked worried for him and maybe he should have been. Johnny was- after all- a mixed martial arts athlete. Needless to say, those words never left Doyoung’s mouth again.

“Here you go.” Jaehyun handed him his coffee (plus the stupid tutti fruitti lemonade thing Taeyong had ordered) and Doyoung was on his way. 

  
  
  
  


“Can’t you pretend to have fun?” Jungwoo whined, bouncing around on Taeil’s lap. How Taeil managed to keep a straight face was beyond him. Doyoung sighed.

“You know I hate parties.” Freshman year, Taeyong had encouraged him to go to at least one.  _ Get that full college experience _ , he’d said. The next morning, Doyoung woke up with only his pants on and in a stranger’s house. Granted, said stranger ended up becoming one of his better friends. Said stranger was also the one who invited him and wouldn’t stop sulking because Doyoung was being a party pooper. “I don’t even know why you’re mad! You’re the one who was sitting on this couch way before I was!” Jungwoo pouted, looking all the ready to fight the flames.

“This is my party, I can do whatever I want.”

“Psh, please, the only reason you’re throwing this party is to have an excuse to hang all over Taeil without us being grossed out. I know you. You’ll blame it all on the alcohol tomorrow.” The stupid grin that Jungwoo sported was the confirmation he needed. “Look, I still have a paper I have to finish, so I’ll head home yeah.” Jungwoo whined some more, pulling and tugging at Doyoung like a child. Eventually, Taeil wrapped his arms tighter around Jungwoo’s waist and the boy gave up, letting Doyoung leave. “Fine, go! Be boring!”

“Gladly.” He gave a salute, impish grin the last of his feigned happiness as he stepped out the door.  _ Why was he friends with Jungwoo again?  _

Doyoung kind of didn’t want to go back to the dorm though, so he idled, wondering where he should go at this time of night. He wished he was back home, far away from the responsibility of being a grown up. Tucked away in his bed and watching anime and thinking,  _ yes this is what life is _ . His momentary lapse was disturbed when he heard a loud yell, an obviously angry girl.

“You- You asshole! How could you say you loved me!? How? Stringing me along? Making me think I was the only one.” She was furious and yet there were tears in her eyes as she looked at who Doyoung presumed to be her boyfriend. 

“I never said any of that! You heard what you wanted to hear! I told you from the start I would never love you.” Harsh. The girl thought so too and she charged, trying to release her anger with violence. She didn’t do much though. The boy before her was much taller and broader, her small fists doing no such harm. Eventually, she crumbled, fell onto her knees and cried, cried so hard Doyoung was a little worried. He heard the boy sigh and then he was crouching down with her, saying something in a hushed tone. She turned her head at whatever he said and he let her be, turning instead to face the direction in which Doyoung still stood. Doyoung looked like a deer caught in headlights as he quickly sauntered off. He did not want to be caught in that crossfire.

  
  
  
  


A few weeks later, Doyoung was wrapping up his chem homework when Taeyong texted.

**when r u free? -T**

**now? Or do you mean this week? -D**

**gr8, meet m3 in front of the library :D -T**

Doyoung shook his head at his best friend. He meant well, even with his outdated version of texting. He gathered his belongings and headed outside, looking for that familiar chestnut brown to signal he had spotted his best friend. Once he found it, he waved, Taeyong waving back just as joyously, though he wasn’t alone.

“Dooooo, guess what!?.” He had a silly grin on his face and Doyoung knew it all too well. Taeyong was helping him- in one way or another. “You’ve been complaining about organic chem for days now, and I just thought well maybe you could get a tutor. So I asked your professor who had the highest grade in the class and he recommended… “ He left it open, gesturing to the tall boy standing beside him.

“Yuta, nice to meet you.” He smiled, all toothy and cocky, like he knew he was pretty. Not that Doyoung was admitting he was pretty. It was a just a fleeting thought.  _ Fleeting _ . He had his hand outstretched and it was only now that Doyoung realized and he was quick to take it and-  _ wow his hands were soft, and like ridiculously huge _ . Doyoung had to get it together.

“Ah, I’m Doyoung. Nice to meet you.” Their hands part, Yuta’s immediately going to his hair. Doyoung was most definitely not staring.

“So?” It took him a moment to realize that Taeyong was  _ still _ there and he had asked him about Yuta and Yuta as his tutor and wait-

“You have the highest grade in our class!?” It was so abrupt, so uncalled for, Doyoung covered his mouth. “Ah, sorry I just, was surprised, um-” Yuta nodded solemnly, not allowing Doyoung anymore room for discussion.

“It’s alright, not many people know this about me.”

“Can you believe he’s aced every test you guys have ever had!?” Taeyong said it with such enthusiasm that Doyoung felt it, felt a little giddy that this boy before him was not only beautiful but also smart? No, Doyoung was not going to let himself fall so quickly.

“Wow, you must have, like, a photographic memory.” He tried to joke.

“Actually, that’s spot on.” Doyoung sputtered.

“No way.” He said in disbelief.

“He’s not lying! He took one look at one of my essays earlier and he can remember it word for word!” Truth be told, Doyoung was kind of already in love with the guy. He hated how stupidly he was jumping in. “See, you won’t fail!” They talked a bit longer, Doyoung hesitantly handing him his phone so they could swap numbers. Yuta had been all smiles, going as far as taking a profile picture for the contact name. He was under ♡YUTA ♡ and a stupid selca stared back at him as he read over the number. 

  
  
  
  


The following week , they met up. It was surprisingly hard to work around the other’s schedule.

**I have a free period this afternoon, do you want to meet then? -D**

**soz, can’t**

**I have my longest class of the day :/ -Y**

**No prob -D**

**-**

**Class was cancelled, you busy? -Y**

**Sorry, project I have to finish, tomorrow? -D**

**-**

**wyd? -D**

**-**

**is today okay? -Y**

FInally, after many missed chances, they agreed to meet at the school cafe. Doyoung already had his usual in hand when Yuta showed up.

“Sorry, I know I’m late.” He apologized. He was the one who set the time and yet he still showed up fifteen minutes after the fact. Doyoung was displeased, however, he let it go. It was whatever- not because Yuta’s flushed face made him feel some type of way. They sat down at the far end, Doyoung bringing out the materials he’d thought they would need for the… ‘lesson’.

“I was thinking we could start with-”

“You’re the guy from the other night.” Yuta’s words punctuated over Doyoung and his sentence died in his throat.

“Huh?” Yuta nodded, snapping his fingers as if he had solved some great mystery of life.

“You were the one with the big round eyes, You almost looked like a scared chipmunk.”

“I resent that!” Doyoung was affronted, much more by the fact that he couldn’t quite pinpoint- he gasped. “You’re that guy! The one who broke up with his girlfriend out in public!” He covered his fallen jaw, acutely aware that Yuta was studying him. Suddenly, he didn’t want to be there.”On second thought, how about I just cram big time before the test and we skip the tutoring.” The notebook he had taken out was swiftly pushed back into his bag, Doyoung standing with intent. Before he could leave, though, Yuta caught his wrist.

“Hey, wait! What’s wrong? What’s happening right now?” Doyoung freed himself from his grip, standing as tall as he leveled Yuta with a prodent gaze.

“What’s happening is that I, me,” He gestured frantically to himself, he must have looked mad, “can’t believe the audacity you had to break a poor girl’s heart out in public-” 

“Hey- it’s not what you think-”

“Furthermore, you left that poor girl a mess on the floor! Had I been her I would hate you for doing such a private thing in the middle of the night and on the cold cement floor-.”

“FYI, she was going to hate me no matter what and that wasn’t my fault.” 

“Oh really, mister ‘I would never love you.’” 

“Oh so you can memorize my words, but you can’t memorize simple equations?” Doyoung went to rebuttal, but the argument fazed out, at a loss for words. “You don’t know the whole story.” Yuta managed to say, albeit looking rather uncomfortable with the turn of events. “So please, drop it. Let’s put this behind us. It never had anything to do with you anyway.” That much was true, but it bothered Doyoung to think that this almost perfect human had his flaws. Silly really as no one is ever perfect. Doyoung felt his resolve slipping away as the anger subsided and he sat again, less enthusiastic about their session.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

  
  
  
  


“I mean this guy is a nut job, a straight A jerk who knows nothing better than to break girls’ hearts.” Doyoung was complaining, sue him for wanting to bash on that punk. He felt wronged- even if it wasn’t even him- he felt that poor girl deserved better. He can’t begin to imagine what she must have been through because of such a foul person. That poor, poor girl.

“Why do you care this much?” Taeyong argued back, trying and failing to perfect a dance move.

They were sat in the dance hall, Taeyong having reserved it to practice his end of year solo. Doyoung was sat against the mirrored wall, watching Taeyong as he failed to hit the right pose. Again. “Seriously, what is up with my feet today.” He tried again.

“You just don’t get it.” Doyoung sighed. “People like that are cruel, the ones who think they can get away with toying with people’s hearts. They’re heartless! Can’t they see the hurt they’ve caused.” Taeyong sensed something beneath his words and he halted his movements.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Doyoung shook his head, not wanting to get into the finer details. “Look, why does it matter? You’re not befriending the guy, are you?”

“Well, I suppose not-”

“Then, see. Perfect. Just have him tutor you for the month and then that’s it. He’s gone. You move on with your life. Simple as that.” Of course, Taeyong was the voice of reason, but Doyoung just wanted the jerk to go away now. But he really did need to pass this class. There was no way he was going to sit through any more lectures where Miss Yang got sidetracked to the point where she failed to realize the bell had already rung… twenty minutes ago. It was decided.

  
  
  
  


It was awkward. Incredibly awkward, in fact, that Yuta had decided to stop their lesson halfway through. “Maybe we should call it a day.” 

“But I still don’t understand the compositions.” Yuta exhaled, continuing to close the textbook.

“I know, but things are a little messy right now. I think we should have waited it out a bit more.” It’d been a week, how much more time was he asking for? “See you next week.” Doyoung couldn’t give him something affirmative and he knew that, waving as he left the cafe. Doyoung stared after him, cursing himself for doing so. He still found him insanely attractive.

“Wasn’t that Yuta Nakamoto?” Jaehyun inquired when he came around to refill his mug. “What were you doing with him?”

“Taeyong got him to tutor me for organic chem.” Jaehyun gaped at him, managing to spill coffee in the process. He was clearing it away when he said, “No way! That’s impossible!”

“Why is it impossible?” Did Yuta have some kind of reputation. He had mentioned that not many people knew about how smart he actually was. Could this be it?

“You haven’t heard the stories?” Doyoung shook his head. “Oh my, you’re totally clueless then.” Jaehyun sneaked a glance behind himself, making sure no supervisors were around before plopping in the seat across Doyoung. “Girls and guys alike have tried and failed to even spare a minute of that guy’s time.”

“What, no? That can’t be.” Yuta in such high demand? That didn’t seem right. He thought back to the day they’d introduced each other, to the tame and calmer side of him. He didn’t seem like someone pressed for time, nor was he angry to have been waiting. Who knows how long they’d even been waiting. “Well, actually… now that you mention it. It is rather hard to find a matching schedule.” And he left in the middle of it no less. Yuta was just getting worse and worse in his eyes. 

“People say he’s super mysterious. I heard one girl talking about how she used to know him, back in high school. He was nowhere near as cool as he was now and he happened to take some time off school and when he came back, he was a totally different person. They claim he was initiated into some sort of gang, but I personally find that hard to believe.” So did Doyoung. “But there sure is something there. I can feel it.” Doyoung looked back toward the door. Yuta was long gone, but Doyoung continued to stare. He wondered just what Yuta was hiding.

  
  
  
  


Doyoung waited for a text, something to let him know that it was okay, that enough time had past. But a week had gone by, then another. The test was a few days away and he was kind of worried. Not just for himself- though he wished it were the case. He tried a few times to contact Yuta, but the boy never replied. He never even bothered to read the messages. Doyoung was a little hurt.

He tried asking Taeyong about Yuta’s whereabouts, but he shrugged and said he had no clue. It was a mere coincidence that Yuta had been in the classroom when Taeyong had gone to go ask about the highest grade in the class. So he had no other means of contact. Which, really, sucked. Doyoung was still struggling- even with his effort to ask more questions in class and read more than what was required. He kind of wished Yuta had just never said anything.

In a last attempt to not fail, he wandered past his organic chem classroom, thinking that at some point Yuta was bound to pass by. He was right.

“Yuta!” Doyoung shouted. Yuta turned, saw Doyoung, but simply kept walking. Doyoung ran after him. “Yuta, wait!” He caught up to him, grabbing onto his arm. Yuta almost yanked it away, but he stopped short. His shoulders fell.

“Hey.” He mumbled, looking anywhere, but Doyoung.

“Have you been avoiding me?” Absurd, this whole thing was kind of absurd. Yuta was meant to only be a tutor and here Doyoung was, caring way too much. Heck, they weren’t even friends.

“Not really.”

“Then why haven’t you asked me to meet up?” Yuta finally looked at Doyoung.

“You could have asked, you know.”

“But you were the one who said we should wait. Thought I owed it to you to let you decide when it is okay.” Doyoung admitted, smiling awkwardly. Yuta seemed surprised by his answer, looking away again.

“Do you have time now?”

Hours later, Doyoung thought he learned more from Yuta than he had in almost three weeks of class. He felt relieved. He wasn’t going to fail after all. “Thank you.” Doyoung said as they packed up their stuff. He should have been hurrying- they managed to be the last two in the cafe and it was well past closing time- but he was taking his time putting his pencil away. He wanted to say more, but he wasn’t sure what.

“It’s not a problem.” Yuta smiled, throwing his backpack over his left shoulder. “Well, see you.” Yuta walked away. Doyoung watched him leave, wanting to say more. It took a minute. He stopped him past the door.

“Are you sure?” Yuta glanced back at him.

“Am I sure about what?”

“That it’s not a problem, tutoring me I mean. I’m not wasting your time, am I?” That was it. That was what was bothering him. Wondering if he was troubling Yuta. Yuta smiled again, shaking his head.

“No, not at all.” Doyoung’s heart beat faster. His breath caught. “I should get going. I have an early class.” He left, Doyoung feeling special for no reason. No reason at all.

  
  
  
  


Yuta messaged Doyoung the following day, scheduling another tutoring session. Doyoung smiled about it all through the day, giggling uselessly when he was with Taeyong for lunch.

“You seem stupidly in love.” Doyoung coughed up the sandwich he had bitten into.

“What? You’re talking nonsense.” Taeyong narrowed his eyes, unconvinced.

“Sure I am. And you’re not completely head over heels for Yuta.”

“Exactly!” Taeyong sighed, obviously his comment was sarcastic, but Doyoung just wanted it to be true. He wanted to be able to say he that he wasn’t totally lovesick for the pretty smart boy with a convoluted heart. “Jaehyun told me some stuff about him. I think it’s best if it just stays as it is. Him as a tutor and me as the student.” Taeyong seemed to want to intervene, but he thought better of it, sighing instead. 

“You can’t always judge a book by it’s cover you know.” Taeyong checked his watch, shooting up when he saw the time. “Gotta go or I’ll be late for history.” He dumped his trash in the bin, yelling as he sprinted past Doyoung, “If you come back today with a new boyfriend, don’t say I didn’t tell you so!” Doyoung scowled.

Yuta was early for their session, already seated in what could pretty much be their spot by the amount of time they’ve spent there. (Two days, it was only two days and Doyoung was creating such a story.) He smiled when he saw Doyoung and Doyoung sort of melted. He doesn’t think he’s seen him smile like that until now. “We’ve got one more day before the test. Do you think you’re ready for it.”

“More ready than ever, thanks to you.” He swore he saw Yuta blush, but the boy was coughing away, trying to find something to do with his hands. He reached for the textbook.

“Let’s go over chemical reactions, yeah?” They sat for an hour fully immersed in their studies. It wasn’t until Jaehyun passed by a second time that Doyoung even noticed the time.

“Didn’t you say you had a class later today?” Yuta stole a look at the clock, not seemingly in a hurry. “Was that a no?”

“It’s about halfway through now. Might as well skip it.” Doyoung unexpectedly slapped his arm. Yuta looked mildly concerned. Doyoung’s face flamed.

“You can’t just go around skipping class.” Doyoung told him, feeling odd for caring so much about Yuta’s studies. “You could miss something important.” 

“There are other things that are more important to me right now.” The way he said it, so sure and determined made Doyoung’s tummy flutter and he tried so hard not to blush again. He was dreaming high, that’s for sure, if he thought that it had something to do with him. That the statement was almost Yuta blanantly admitting that he thought Doyoung was important. Yuta seemed to realize the severity of his words, laughing awkwardly. “I mean like coffee and hanging out with friends and that sort of thing.” Friends? Did he mean they were friends? Doyoung wasn’t sure if he felt happy or upset by the comment. He smiled nonetheless.

“Okay, okay. Can you explain alkenes and alkynes, please?” Yuta was quick to snatch up his notes.

“Yeah, let’s talk about that.”

  
  
  
  


Final exams were a big deal for the entire university, students rushing this way and that to get to class on time. Doyoung was in the hustle and bustle of it all, feeling incredibly overwhelmed as he read over his notes for the last time. “I got this, I studied for so long.” He really had, Yuta had sat with him until his eyelids were dropping, promising to stay awake in case Doyoung needed to go over any last minute topics. He only lasted a few more minutes before he was dozing off, Doyoung not having the heart to wake him. He looked peaceful, soft and inviting for it being so late. Doyoung almost imagined he was on the other side with him, back pressed against his front while they dozed off together. The thought didn’t linger, Doyoung going straight back into relearning compounds before Yuta could even notice.

When the final bell rang, Doyoung felt a weight lift of his shoulders. He was finished. He knew he passed that test with flying colors and he was more than excited to tell . . . he stopped. His first thought was to find Yuta. To tell him how great he did. To thank him for all his help. To jump into his arms and kiss him. He leaned against a wall. Great, just great. He’d caught feelings.

  
  
  
  


About a week later, Doyoung managed to text Yuta.

**I passed. Thank you, really. -D**

Short, sweet. To the point. This would be his closure. Nothing more.

**Happy to hear that! :) You don’t need to thank me. -Y**

His fingers hovered over the keyboard. One more text wouldn’t be so bad.

**Of course I do! I like owe you my life, you really saved me. -D**

Okay, what was Doyoung thinking? No more, he told himself. He hid his phone in his desk drawer, choosing to focus on studying. He lasted all of two seconds, the vibration of his phone making him antsy.

**How about instead of your life, you let me take you on a date? -Y**

Doyoung was still staring at his phone screen when Taeyong walked through the door. “I was thinking of going out to eat…” He cut short when he saw Doyoung’s expression. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m dreaming!” Doyoung suddenly exclaimed, “I must be! This is a dream.” He pinched himself but there was no such luck. It was all real. Too real. “Taeyong.” He whined, passing off his phone so Taeyong could read the message. He blinked at it a few times before looking up at Doyoung.

“Why haven’t you said yes?” 

“Who says I would have said yes?” Taeyong gave him a look. “Oh, fine. But, Tae, he’s not- he likes girls. He was with a girl! What if he breaks my heart?”

“Easy, I clock him.” It’s Doyoung’s turn to give a look. “Fine, I can’t hurt a fly, but I could yell at him for you.” He laughed, moving closer to Doyoung. “But really, it is after all only one date. Just try not to think too hard about it. Have some fun.” Fun, just fun. In Doyoung’s head, he was already planning the wedding. 

  
  
  
  


Stupidly enough, he left the message unanswered, choosing to distract himself with alcohol. More specifically, at another house party held by none other than party maniac, Kim Jungwoo.

“See, I knew you’d come around!” Jungwoo slurred, already pretty tipsy for having only downed two shots. Doyoung was on his fourth, licking a lime and face contorting at how sour the taste was.

“I had a bad week. Needed something to clear my mind.” Jungwoo handed him the bottle of tequila and he forewent the shot glass, taking a sip straight on. It burned, not as much as the first one, and he really just wished he was as loose as his friend. Taeil came around then, taking one look at Jungwoo and shaking his head.

“You’re coming with me, don’t forget you have lunch with your parents tomorrow.” Jungwoo put up a struggle, such as he always did, but eventually let himself be led away. Taeil shot Doyoung an apologetic smile, but Doyoung couldn’t be bothered to feel wronged. He just felt sadder.

Doyoung managed one more shot before he wandered away from the booze, looking for some sort of distraction to keep him sane. He walked pretty much the entire house, before feeling lightheaded, choosing to go outside for some fresh air.

The night air felt nice against his skin, a sigh escaping his lips. For a moment, he glanced to the side, half expecting Yuta to be there again, breaking up with some new beau. All he was met with was the silence of the night, a few crickets interrupting the lulls. “Oh.” Doyoung glanced to the other side- Yuta stood there, nervous. He almost looked as scared as Doyoung felt, but he had a better way of masking it, turning his head towards the house. “Didn’t know you’d be here.”

Doyoung was tired, tired of pretending he didn’t have feelings, tired of his stupid curriculem, just tired of running away. WIth the liquid courage that still ran through his veins, he charged forward, invading Yuta’s space. “What makes you so special?” He whined, eyes squinted to try and focus on Yuta. “What right do you have to play with my heart?” It was almost as if he was in that poor girl’s shoes, the one that got her heart broken by the one and only Nakamoto Yuta. He felt pained, tears welling in his eyes at the memory. “You made me feel special. I was stupid. What was I even-” He was cut short by lips, lips so sweet he cried. He sniffled as Yuta pulled away, completely looking like a pouting child. Yuta laughed slightly.

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do that?” Yuta whispered, breath right by Doyoung’s lips. They were still so close, Yuta only centimeters away from connecting their lips again Doyoung really wanted to connect their lips again. “You’re slow.” He sniffed the air. “And drunk.” Doyoung shook his head vigorously.

“Not drunk.” He hiccuped, leaning forward. He went for a kiss, but only managed to catch the side of Yuta’s lips. Yuta adjusted them so that he could kiss him properly, slinging his arms around Doyoung’s middle to bring him closer.

“You’re very drunk.” Yuta affirmed, reeling away from Doyoung. Doyoung went to follow, but Yuta kept him still, asking for his hand instead. “I’ll take you back to your dorm, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow.” Hand in hand, they walked back, Doyoung hoping he wouldn’t wake up from this dream.

  
  
  
  


A splitting headache was what woke Doyoung the next morning, the light of his room annoying his eyes. He groaned, rolling over, only to roll off the bed. Taeyong peeked in to see what the fuss was about. “Look who’s finally awake.” Doyoung grumbled, trying to crawl back onto the bed. “You might want to get dressed, someone is here to see you.” Doyoung had no idea who could be here at such an early hour. He could also care less about what he was wearing, so he stumbled out, eyes widening once he did see who sat on their couch. He instantly covered himself, getting hit with insecurity as he quickly realized he was only in a long t-shirt and boxer shorts. Yuta laughed at him, a sort of fond gracing his face.

“What are y-you doing here?” He stuttered out, reaching for the frilly throw blanket Taeyong loved to leave on their arm chair. Yuta grinned, pointing behind himself.

“Thought maybe we could get breakfast. Or brunch, since it is like noon.” Doyoung dropped the blanket he was trying to wrap around his waist, picking up the small clock on the side table.

“Shit, I had a morning class.” Taeyong slapped the back of his head then, handing him a pair of pants.

“You’re lucky to have me as a friend. I already emailed the teacher for you. You’re welcome.” He left then, just breezing through. Yuta still had a hopeful smile on his face and Doyoung, well he just had to accept.

After Doyoung decided he had enough of awkwardly standing without pants on, he ushered Yuta out and finally dressed himself. One last swipe of his hand through his hair and he was out the door, Yuta glancing up from his phone at him. “Ready?” Doyoung nodded.

They went to the cafe, Jaehyun throwing them a curious glance. Doyoung made his best effort to look normal. “So, did you want to talk about something?” Doyoung questioned once they had their orders in hand. Yuta toyed with the straw in his drink, seemingly uneasy. Doyoung doesn’t think he’s ever seen him like this.

“Last night…” A sense of dread washed over Doyoung at his words. Last night had been quite the night. Doyoung wasn’t as out of it as Yuta probably thinks he was. He very much remembers the taste of Yuta’s lips. “Do you remember meeting me last night?’ Doyoung has it in him to nod. “Do you- remember talking?” Another nod. He remembers much more than that. “How about-”

“If this is about the kiss, can we just stop skirting over the topic?” The blunt remark wasn’t one he’d ever thought he’d make. He just hated the way Yuta was acting. So unsure of himself. It was a little off putting. 

“Yeah, sorry. I - just- wanted to be sure you remembered.” He sighed, pushing his drink away as he met Doyoung’s eyes. “Was it okay? Did it feel okay for you?” A blush coated Doyoung’s cheeks. It was okay, more than okay. Because he’s totally smitten by the boy in front of him, the one with the stupidly concerned face that thinks that for some reason Doyoung wouldn’t like him. God, he really likes him.

“It was nice.”

“Nice enough to do again?” The small burst of confidence has Yuta relling. “Or maybe not-”

“We could do it again.” Yuta was unbelieving, jaw dropped as Doyoung chuckled. “Surprised?”

“Well, yeah. A little.” He composed himself, leaning back into the booth they were seated at. “I thought you might hate me, especially with the way things had started.” The memory of Yuta breaking up with the girl came to mind.

“So there were some hard feelings…” Doyoung admitted, because he really did feel sorry for the poor girl who got her heart broken. “But, if I’m being honest with you-”  _ and himself, but he’d rather not tell Yuta, _ “I kind of fell for you anyway.” Yuta beamed, shy hand coming up to the table. When he didn’t immediately grab Doyoung’s hand, the latter did it for him. “I do have to ask, though, what exactly happened that night?” So maybe he would let that whole thing slide, but that was if Yuta could tell him the true story of that night. As if expecting the question, Yuta’s reply came awfully fast.

“We weren’t dating!” He was quick to assure, to which Doyoung gave him an odd glare. “That’s what I want to make clear first. She was never my girlfriend.” He sighed, frown adorning his pretty face. “She liked me, a lot. More than anyone has before. She made all these kinds of promises, they were more for her than they were for me. So I just let her do what she wanted, because she said she wanted to do it. No matter how I felt. In my heart, I knew that as much as she cared, I just wasn’t going to feel the same way.” He chuckled lightly then it become a bit sad toned. “I don’t think she realized that I was gay.” Doyoung gasped.

“Wait? You didn’t tell her?” Yuta’s face showed regret.

“I didn’t want to break her heart anymore than I already would rejecting her!” He tried to explain. “Plus, I thought she might not believe me.” 

“Why?” Yuta frowned, deeper this time.

“There’s… a lot of rumors about me. People already believe what they want to believe about me. She seemed to be one of those people. I just didn’t want to hurt her, but it still happened didn’t it?” Doyoung felt bad, raising their linked hands so he could press a kiss to Yuta’s knuckles. It was far more intimate than he wanted it to be, but it felt right. It felt nice.

“Why me?” Doyoung thought to ask, because if he said there were people out there who believed in the rumors, what made Doyoung any different from those people?

“Because you were nice. Because you didn’t care. You never asked me what everyone else does when they first meet me.”

“What do people ask you?”

“ _ Is it true? What people say about you? Are you really… _ ” He trailed off, suddenly self conscious. “People like me because of this made up image of me. They don’t know the real me.” His grip tightened. “You’re the first to know about my memory. The first person to know about my grades. You’re a first for me… in more ways than one.” He blushed and Doyoung swooned. Here he thought Yuta was some kind of macho man when in reality he was a big softie. 

“Let’s continue the train then, maybe I can be your first boyfriend?” Yuta stared at him in surprise and Doyoung will admit, he had no idea where that statement came from, but he was kind of happy to have said it.

“Yeah, uh, that’d be nice.” Yuta stammered out some minutes later, a full red coating his cheeks. Doyoung smiled, and maybe he was stupid to think that organic chem would be the death of him. Organic chem is what brought them together and he’s kind of happy about it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta's backstory is a lot different than Doyoung could have ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas, so like can this be considered a Christmas present?? Whatever... I was in a writing mood and this sort of just happened LOL. I had most of this thought out before I wrote it, so I think that's why it came so easily. I plan on writing one more part after this to conclude everything, so yeah enjoy :)

Doyoung doesn’t understand Yuta. At least sometimes. 

Like right now, they went for lunch and Doyoung was happy they were together. But Yuta seemed out of it. He was short with his answers and quiet, not bothering to tell Doyoung how his morning went. It’s offsetting. But, it’s also not the first time it’s happened.

The first time it happened was about a month into them dating. Doyoung was still feeling the honeymoon stage, over the moon anytime Yuta so much as called him. He had called him right before he was going to bed, whispering that he was tired, but he wanted to hear about Doyoung’s day. So he told him, explained his day in exact detail and the only reason he could- he soon came to discover- was because Yuta wasn’t saying anything. He wasn’t asking questions. He wasn’t even offering some sort of sound to affirm that he was indeed listening.

“Yuta?” He finally hummed then, sort of like he was already half asleep. “Did you hear what I said?” He hummed again. “Oh, well… how was your day?”

“Okay.” Doyoung had felt hurt at the very quick response and tried to ask something else.

“Anything interesting happen?”

“Nope.” Doyoung could sense Yuta being closed off, but he wasn’t sure what it was for. Was he angry? Doyoung couldn’t remember making him angry. Maybe he was upset.

“Was there anything you wanted to talk about? Something to get off your chest?”

“No.” So, Doyoung... kind of left it be. He felt a little awkward blabbering on, but Yuta had been the one to call him, so he figured that maybe Yuta would have hung up if he really was upset in any way. He made no indication to, however, as the clock struck midnight and they were still on the phone. 

“I have an early class, we’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah, night babe.” The next morning was fine, Yuta was no longer stand offish and he smiled brightly at the sight of Doyoung. So, Doyoung didn’t let it tetter him and they spent their day holding hands and going to class.

It was never a pressing issue, never really crossed Doyoung’s mind to ever really touch on it. It was always fleeting. Times when Yuta just seemed lost in his thoughts, but seemingly not wanting to be alone. Doyoung didn’t understand that. Not in the slightest. Whenever he’s upset or sad, he’d cry alone in his room and when that was done, it’d be like nothing happened. He often wondered if Yuta did the same, but something told him he didn’t. Something told him that when Yuta started to feel sad, he’d call up Doyoung and distract himself with his voice, his life, anything to forget about his own. It made Doyoung’s heart hurt. He kind of wanted to ask about it.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine, how was class?” The immediate shift of topic made Doyoung derail and he tried to please him. Just for a bit, droning about boring professors and a surprise pop quiz. Yuta was staring at him, but his eyes were glossed over, unblinking as Doyoung shifted.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You already did.” The sarcasm made Doyoung smile. The moment was passing. 

“What are you thinking about? Be honest.” Doyoung reached his hand out, intertwining their fingers. “I know you’re sitting here, but it feels like you’re not really here.” Yuta’s small smile disappeared. He didn’t retract his hand, though, which Doyoung considered a good sign.

“Don’t worry about me-”

“But I do. A lot. I care about you, you know. As your boyfriend, I’m allowed to care about you, right?” Yuta softened, bringing their clasp hands to his lips. He pressed a short kiss on their linked hands, tugging slightly so Doyoung was bent over the table. Yuta caught his lips in a kiss, smiling when Doyoung whined at their parted lips.

“I thought you wanted to talk?” Doyoung wasn’t going to let him get away with this.

“I did, so stop trying to distract me.” He sat back, pulling his hand with him and crossing his arms. “Yuta, tell me why? Why do you sound so sad sometimes, so far away? What are you thinking about?” Yuta looked like he wanted to run away, and Doyoung regretted letting go of his hand. He had all the free space to run, but he sat, long moments passed before he breathed deep.

“It’s hard sometimes. To be with you. Not in a bad way.” He assured, panic setting his eyes. Maybe this had happened before. Maybe this was the reason he knew he couldn’t love that girl all those months ago. A year now, he’d been with Doyoung for a year. “Dating, sharing my life with someone else… it’s hard for me.” The clock ticked by as Doyoung waited for more. But more never came.

“Would it be okay if I asked why? What’s so hard about it?” He knew after he said it, that it sounded wrong, accusatory. Yuta didn’t seem to catch on to the tone, instead frowning at the table. Doyoung hated to see him so glum. There haven’t been many times in their relationship where he’s seen him so sad. Distant, he’s seen him be distant, but this was all the more heartbreaking. “Hey, let’s save this conversation for another day. How about we go for ice cream?”

They make out with the taste of vanilla still on their tongues.

  
  
  
  


“Is it like your anniversary or something?” Taeyong asked as he watched Doyoung dress up in far more stylish clothes than he was used to seeing him wearing. He also had a box in his hand, wrapped up in a bow and ready to gift to Yuta. Because yes, it was their anniversary and he kind of wanted to make it special- even if Yuta forgot.

The boy hadn’t texted him that day and Doyoung did think it was odd, but a part of him was hoping maybe Yuta had something planned. Maybe there was a surprise waiting for him at his dorm. Shaking his head, he glanced at Taeyong who now sat at the foot of his bed with chips in his hand.

“Yes, so don’t wait up.” Taeyong scoffed at him and Doyoung smirked. “Seriously, do you think this is too much?” Taeyong gave him a once over, assessing the outfit.

“I think you look amazing, no doubt Yuta will think so too.” Doyoung smiled at his best friend, ready to give him a hug. Then, he remembered what was in his hands.

“Thanks, let’s save the hug for later. Don’t want grease stains on my clothes.” Taeyong waved him goodbye as Doyoung stepped out into the hall. He was being a bit impulsive today, if he was being honest. He had made no plans with Yuta and wasn’t even sure if Yuta was available, but he hoped for the sake of  _ their _ day, Yuta was free. One phone call would tell him what he needed to know. He dialed Yuta’s number and waited. And waited. And waited. “Huh?” Yuta never usually ignored his calls. He tried again and got the same results. Frowning, he walked in the direction of where he knew Yuta lived. But that was really as much as he knew.

Doyoung wasn’t very sure of what dorm the boy actually lived in. He’d walked him back a few times but never to his front door. Yuta always had some excuse as to why Doyoung couldn't come up. Again, it wasn't something that really bothered Doyoung. But in this moment, he kind of wished he knew exactly where the boy lived. As he was trying to call again, someone walked out of the building.

"Hey!" Doyoung caught the attention of the lone boy, the boy staring at him quizzically. "Sorry to bother, but do you know what dorm Nakamoto Yuta lives in?" The boy raised a brow, slowly starting to shake his head.

"I don't think you're in the right place."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Nakamoto Yuta doesn't live on campus." It was Doyoung's turn to be confused.

"But I've seen him here, I've even walked him to this building." The door swung open again, another boy coming their way.

"Sicheng?" At the mention of his name, Sicheng came forward.

"Yeah?" 

"Nakamoto Yuta, he doesn't live in this building, right?" Sicheng's eyes widened and he shook his head furiously.

"Heaven's no. Why would someone like him live here?" Doyoung was getting angry. He felt like the boys were lying to him, but what reason did they have to lie?

"Told you." The first boy said and he walked away, Sicheng in tow. Doyoung felt more confused than ever, dialing Yuta's number multiple times before feeling disdained. Still no answer. The sun was starting to set and even though nothing had been set in stone, Doyoung was really hoping they could catch a movie. With a saddened heart, he went to the cafe, not sure what else to do.

Jaehyun saw his frown and got to fixing him his usual. "What's up? Something happen?" Doyoung wanted to vent, but he wasn't sure where to start. 

"Has Johnny ever lied to you?"

"Sometimes. Mostly when he thinks it's cute to surprise me."

"So he's never lied about something big?"

"Like?"

"Like maybe where he's from or where he lives?" Jaehyun was starting to realize what this was about.

"Is there something going on with Yuta?" Doyoung sighed.

"It's just-" Before the words could even leave his mouth, his phone was buzzing on the table. Jaehyun nodded at him to answer so he did, gulping when Yuta's voice came through.

"Hey, what's up?" He sounded so casual, like Doyoung hadn't just called him a dozen times. It made something fester in him, something similar to sadness and just a hint of anger.

"Oh, nothing much. Just- I've been trying to reach you all day and you're only now picking up." Yuta laughed and the anger only seemed to grow. "You know I was really worried about you! Today was really important and it was like you disappeared off the face of the planet!" Yuta was quiet, probably not expecting him to blow up. Or maybe he was. Maybe it's why he kept his phone off. "Just tell me… are you busy?" There was a pause, like Yuta doesn't want to admit he is, but Doyoung new better. "Well, bye I guess." The longer the call lasted without Yuta saying anything the more Doyoung felt annoyed.

How could he do this to him? How could he leave him hanging? As mad as he was, he still really wanted to see Yuta. "Doyoung?" He'd forgotten where he was. "Is everything okay?" Jaehyun asked, because of course he would. Doyoung shook his head and got up, ignoring the drink that was being offered to him. He left without a word, headed back to his apartment in a sad stupor. Taeyong would ask questions. He was his best friend after all, but today Doyoung wouldn't answer them. Sleep sounded like a much better option.

Just as he rounded the corner to his dorm complex, he spotted Yuta and his eyes widened. He tried to make a run for it, but Yuta had spotted him in seconds. “Doyoung!” He wasn’t sure if he was pleased that Yuta had decided to search him out or bothered that he came all this way after  _ supposedly _ being busy. “Can we talk?” He was standing in front of him now, all soft spoken and nervous. Doyoung felt bad. He didn’t want to feel bad.

“Yuta-”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I forget. I’m sorry that these things aren’t something I think about... I’m just sorry that- I can’t- be what you need.” He was rushing through his words, tears threatening to fall. Doyoung had never seen Yuta so distraught. He hugged him, partly so he didn’t have to watch Yuta cry and partly because he wanted to comfort him.Yuta wrapped his arms around Doyoung, almost to the point of suffocation. Doyoung tried to pull away, but Yuta was firm with his grip. “I love you.” He suddenly whispered and Doyoung froze. Those words rang in his ears. “I really love you, I never- I never thought that I could-” It sounded like Yuta was short of breath and Doyoung leaned back, watching the break down that is Nakamoto Yuta. “You mean so much to me.. I- don’t want to lose you.” It was breathy, short of even being actual dialogue, but Doyoung was pained, he wasn’t really sure what was happening. 

Yuta hugged him a while longer, holding Doyoung like he was his anchor. It felt surreal, to have Yuta be so vulnerable.In the year he’s known him, he’s been this mirage of mystery that he was still trying to figure out. Doyoung only knew glimpses, had only heard snippets of Yuta’s story. He wasn’t even sure where the boy lived! He felt overwhelmed, so much so that he squirmed away, Yuta calm enough to let go.

“We need to talk.”

“Sure, let’s talk. I want to talk.” Yuta affirmed, nodding a little too furiously for it to be normal. Doyoung pulled him to the side, away from prying eyes. He let himself breathe, sagging against the wall as he thought about what to say.

“There’s… a lot going on right now. In my head. Mostly.” He met Yuta’s eyes and the poor boy still seemed so sad and Doyoung couldn’t take it, looping his arm around Yuta so he would be trapped in between him and the wall. Yuta was surprised, but he shifted, arms coming out to balance against the wall. “You don’t seem like yourself.” Doyoung noted, because the Yuta he knew wasn’t like this. Impulsive. Guarded, he always seemed to be guarded. “What’s gotten into you?” Yuta sighed, breath so close Doyoung suddenly really wanted to kiss him. But he resisted, waiting for some sort of answer.

“I met Taeyong earlier, just a few minutes ago. He said… some stuff.” Unsure of what Yuta meant, Doyoung tried to pry. “He said he was confused as to why I was at your dorm. He said you were supposed to be with me, celebrating and when I asked what we were celebrating- he- he got mad.” Trust Taeyong to be  _ that _ best friend. “He mentioned our anniversary, told me he couldn’t believe how clueless I’d been for not even bothering to remember, when really…” Yuta knocked their foreheads together, pitiful. “I just never knew it mattered. It sounds bad! Trust me I know.” Yuta clenched his chest. “I’ve never dated anyone before. I never knew there were days like this, where couples reminisce about the day they got together. Had I known…” Their eyes met, Doyoung’s breath hitching. God, he loved him. Even in this moment, when things were rough. He just really,  _ really _ loved him.

“You’re an idiot, do you know that.” The way Yuta’s face fell made Doyoung laugh. Giggling, he leaned forward, kissing Yuta’s frown away. "Don't worry about it, it's not that important."

"But it is!" He exclaimed, still distraught. "It was important to you!" Doyoung shook his head.

"All that matters to me is knowing you're okay." Yuta still looked sad and Doyoung could only offer him a hug. "Can I ask you something?" Yuta nodded meekly. "Why did you lie about where you live?" Caught, Yuta sinked further against Doyoung.

"How'd you find out?"

"I stopped by the dorms you supposedly live in, they told me there was no way you'd live there. Why would they say that?" There were things Doyoung still didn't know about Yuta. Mostly because Yuta hardly ever spoke about himself. It never really bothered Doyoung, but it was starting to bother him now. He'd think after a year of dating, Doyoung would be allowed to at least know more than he does. The fact that he can't even say for sure where Yuta lived made him worried. "You can be honest with me, I won't judge you-"

"It's not that I'm afraid of being judged." Yuta said, voice quiet as he defended himself. "I was just never sure how long this would last." His tone of voice implied fear and maybe he was scared. Scared that Doyoung would one day leave him because he wasn't like other boys. He was standoffish and hard to talk to. It would drive anyone mad, but Doyoung wasn't like other boys either. He'd seen a different side to Yuta, a kinder side. One that sometimes only appeared in the shortest bursts, but Doyoung had caught on. He’d seen the way Yuta melted at the sight of children or the soft blush that graced his features anytime Doyoung called him cute. He was humble, though he never would admit to it, and he really cared for Doyoung, showing it with the simplest of things.

Yuta probably didn’t think he showed he cared, but Doyoung was very aware of his feelings. In the way he laughed when Doyoung made a joke. Whenever he was cold, Yuta always brought them closer, closing the gap to share warmth. He bought him his favorite snacks and made sure to text him every morning, and to other people, it may not mean much, but Doyoung was simple. Those simple things were enough to show just how much Yuta cared.

Doyoung tugged the boy closer, nipping at his chin playfully, “You can’t get rid of me that easy.” A smile bloomed and Doyoung felt proud. “Why don’t we get dinner, it’s not too late.” Yuta nodded and stood up, offering his hand to Doyoung. They walked hand in hand to the campus food court and Doyoung felt like things would be okay.

“What was that box you were holding earlier?” Yuta asked as they ate. Doyoung had totally forget he even had the box, the box now sitting by the napkins. Doyoung glanced at it, nervous to even give it to him now. He laughed as he reached for it, trying to hide it under the table.

“It’s nothing, really.” He tried to play off, Yuta not at all convinced by his words.

“Oh.” He said instead, obviously wanting to push further, but figuring Doyoung may still be mad. Doyoung sighed, not wanting Yuta to look at him that way.

“Actually, it’s for you.” He pushed the box toward him with a small smile, Yuta blinking.

“Oh.” His tone was different, surprise evident as he went to open it.

“It’s not anything big, just something I thought you might like.” What he doesn’t say is that he spent almost four hours in a mall only to leave because he hated everything, and then choose to diy something because pinterest told him it would be a cute idea and-

“Wow.” It was a homemade keychain, a little clear heart filled with a picture of the both of them from a few months ago. They were in a little cafe away from the university, Yuta in the mood for cute pastries. Doyoung had complained that they’d been together for almost four months and they had no pictures together. He knew it was stupid to be worried about somethign like that, but he was tired of sneaking pictures of his already boyfriend. He just wanted one picture with him, one! Yuta had giggled cutely, making Doyoung mad, but then he kissed him, leaned in close and snapped a picture with his phone.  _ “Happy?”  _ He’d asked, and Doyoung could only smile. 

Now, that picture sat in the clear heart, next to a beaded letter set with their initials. It looked a little like a third grader made it, but Doyoung had felt proud at 1 in the morning when he’d finished it, feeling like he’d accomplished so much. Yuta’s reaction wasn’t thrilled, but it wasn’t unhappy either. “Do you like it?” He felt the need to say. Yuta smiled then, bright and starry eyed.

“It’s cute, very cute.” He held it closer to his face, eyes scanning over the picture. “It’s as cute as you.” Doyoung’s face flamed and he turned away, only for Yuta to laugh. “What? It’s true.” 

“Whatever,” Doyoung mumbled, feeling content and embarrassed. Yuta continued to beam at him, expression slowly morphing into something more lethargic.

“Come with me somewhere.” 

Doyoung wasn’t sure what he expected, but the building they were standing in front of was far from what he imagined. “Where are we?” He asked, watching Yuta curiously as he started walking closer to the front door.

“I thought I should be honest about where I live.” He explained, greeting the man at the front door. “Good evening, Mitchell.” The man gave him a curt nod, holding the door open as the pair walked in,

“Good evening, Sir Nakamoto.” His accent sounded far more foreign for the area and he took in Doyoung wearily. “I see you have a guest.” He noted, expression stone cold. Uneasy, Doyoung huddled closer to Yuta on instinct.

“He’s my boyfriend.” The man’s expression changed to one less solemn, seemingly wanting to smile. He nodded again, letting them travel through the foyer with more ease.

“Enjoy your night, Sir Nakamato.” Yuta flushed as he stepped into the elevator, Doyoung giggling at his nervousness.

“What was that about?” He asked, still confused about where they were. He knew it was Yuta’s home, but it was a massive building! There must be more people around he supposed, but there wasn't anyone as they travelled to the top floor. 

“Mitchell? He’s the doorman.”

“A doorman? This place must cost a fortune!” Doyoung said, astounded. Yuta seemed sheepish as he typed in the passcode to his room. Was Doyoung calling it a room? It looked far more like a penthouse. The large glass walls overlooked the city, lights starting back at Doyoung as he glanced out. He felt short of breath as he saw more of the space, modern furniture adorned the rooms, a hi tech kitchen on his far right. Yuta told him to get comfortable, slipping his own shoes off as he went to the living room. He sat on the couch, patting the spot next to him.

“So…” Yuta began as they sat in silence. Doyoung wasn’t sure what he should say. He was a little bit confused with the whole situation. “You’re probably really curious why I lied about where I live.” Doyoung had thought he made that very clear. “The reason I lied, and that’s not an offense to you really, but people in my past…” He was rambling, words tumbling out as he found how to explain himself. Doyoung let him, patting his knee in an effort to ease him. Yuta’s words finally slowed. “People who think they know everything about me know this version of me.” At Doyoung’s confused face he continued. “They know I have money and they want an in to my money… But it’s not even my money! It’s my father’s! He’s the one who left to chase after his dreams, only to leave me behind.” Doyoung’s lips formed into a pout and he pressed himself closer to Yuta. “He left for a whole year! He didn’t even tell me he was leaving! I had no way to pay rent. I couldn’t go to school, I had to find a job. I learned a lot in that year.” He got a far away look in his eye as he stared out the window. “Eventually, he came back. He was only back for a day. He let me know that he had found a job and he was making good money. He said he would pay for my studies from here on out and help support me as I lived on my own, but that wasn’t what I even cared about.” Yuta’s face fell. “I wish he would have apologized, at least showed some guilt for leaving his still minor son on his own. But he didn’t, he didn’t look one bit remorseful and since that day, I resented him.”

“I tried a lot to run away from everything. When people began to realize that I was the son of someone important, they all came crawling. Yet, when I was alone, with no one to turn to… no one cared. No one even bothered to see why I had missed school for so long. The only reason I didn’t have to repeat a grade was because I managed to finish the course that should have taken a whole year in 3 months, during the summer.” There were tears in his eyes. “I felt like I worked so hard, but no one even seemed to care. They all thought I was sent to a boarding school, that I had been basking off riches when in reality…” Yuta didn’t make to finish the sentence and Doyoung could only imagine the hardships the boy must have gone through in that year. 

“I managed to escape for a month. During that time, I reflected a lot on what my father did, and though it still haunted me, I’d also grown man enough to realize part of why he did it. Since my mom died, he’d struggled a lot. He lost his job, had to work a couple part-time gigs to make ends meet. I valued his work ethic, but the day he left, I thought he did it because he was tired of me, of his life. I was scared.” Doyoung was holding Yuta at this point, gently working his hand in his hair as Yuta told him his story. “I always thought I did something wrong, that I somehow led him away when in reality, he was just trying to do what was best for me.” Doyoung pulled him impossibly closer, Yuta’s tears starting to soak his shirt. “I appreciate what he did, even if his hardened face still taunts me. I think back to that day, when he came back. I think about how much my anger never let me see his true intentions and I think that maybe I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up. I yelled at him, called him names… But he still paid for this place. He pays my college tuition and I- I’ve never thanked him.” Doyoung didn’t realize he was crying until his vision blurred, his hand coming to clear away the tears. He felt so sorry for the boy in front of him, but he also felt proud. He felt proud that Yuta wasn’t living in hate. However, he still loved with fear- fear of love. Of being cared for. No one was there for him when he needed them the most.

“Yuta,” Doyoung’s voice was wobbly, emotions not ceasing. “I- I know you still care for him. You should tell him. I think that would make you feel better. You wouldn’t live like this, if you could just tell him how much you lo-” Yuta sobbed louder, Doyoung’s chest hurting at the rawness of it. 

“How- how do I tell him that? I haven’t spoken to him in years! It’s been so long since I’ve even seen his face.” Yuta seemed so brokenhearted and Doyoung had no idea what they should do.

“You don’t have his number? Somewhere to reach him?” Yuta shook his head.”Well… Shouldn’t the building have something on file? I mean how else is he paying.” It seemed that Yuta had never thought of that, standing up and headed to the door. “Hey, hey wait!” Doyoung called. Yuta stopped right before turning the door knob. “It’s late. We can go tomorrow, yeah?” Yuta considered his words, hand falling to his side again.

“Yeah, you’re right. I got carried away.” He wiped his nose, trying to reel from the overwhelming breakdown he had in front of Doyoung. “You’ll stay with me then?” He sounded so hopeful, of course Doyoung would stay. He couldn’t leave him after what he’d told him.

“Always.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that you guys understood Yuta's life better and why he has such a hard time letting people in. It's hard when someone in your life just leaves like that... the last chapter will hopefully be a lot less emotional and everyone can get thier happy ending. bye bye for now!


	3. Chapter 3

“That information is confidential.”

“But, I’m the tennant!”

“We understand that, sir, but according to our files, you are not permitted the information on file.” Dejected, Yuta slumped on the desk, the anger that boiled becoming hurt. Doyoung came forward.

“Is there really no way to at least get a number? Please?” Their frowns deepened when the man behind the desk shook his head.

“I’m sorry.” They went back to Yuta’s penthouse, the boy five seconds away from caving in on himself. Doyoung held him as Yuta cried again. All hope was lost. 

But Doyoung couldn’t leave it at that. There had to be a way to trace Yuta’s father.

While Yuta was napping, Doyoung switched on the boy’s computer, thanking the heavens he didn’t have a password and pulling up a search engine. He typed in Yuta’s last name, getting millions of results and feeling like this was going to take much more than just a last name. Yuta had mentioned his father was well known,  _ possibly famous?  _ he thought to himself. He searched with various keywords, but there were still too many results. How was he supposed to narrow it down? He glanced at his sleeping boyfriend and sighed. He needed to figure something out.

  
  


“Jaehyun?” He was desperate. Jaehyun had stories. Maybe one of them could help. “WHat do you know about Yuta?”

“That’s a rather odd question considering you’re dating him. Shouldn’t you know more about him than I do?”

“There’s just something I need to find out, but I can’t ask him directly.” Jaehyun raised a brow, but didn’t press him. He just asked him what he wanted to know. “Do you know anything about his father?” Jaehyun thought about it, pouring the cup of coffee a guest had ordered.

“Well, from what I heard, the man is like one of the most insanely richest people in the world. He owns properties everywhere, which is why Yuta ‘supposedly’ traveled a lot when he was in high school.” Doyoung had at least told Jaehyun that Yuta was not the person everyone thought him to be. “People say he doesn’t live in Korea anymore, something about him taking up stock back in Japan.” That wasn’t of much help. Doyoung sighed. “Actually, someone recently said they saw Yuta’s father in the news.” That caught Doyoung’s attention.

“Wait, what?” 

“Yeah, I think they said he was sick.” Doyoung’s hand landed on the table, startling the people around them.

“Who? You have to tell me who, I have to see the clip!” Jaehyun bit his lip, trying to recall the person he’d overheard speaking about Yuta’s father.

“I’m not sure. They come in here often, though. I can point them out.” So Doyoung lingered in the cafe, boredly watching as Jaehyun made orders and waiting for the intel he so desperately needed. It was early evening when Jaehyun finally called for his attention. “There, the boy with silver hair.” Doyoung looked over to the boy in question, head tilted as he laughed at whatever his friends were saying. He must have felt Doyoung’s gaze because he looked up, making confused eye contact. Doyoung mustered one bated breath, standing up and walking to where the boy sat. The boy was even more confused, him and his friends giving Doyoung odd looks.

“Would it be possible to speak with you?” He directed the words to the boy with silver hair. “Privately?” His friends smirked as he stood up.

“Why does Ten always get the hot ones?” One of them whined, his accent telling that he wasn’t a native speaker. The other friend smacked him, mumbling to him in Mandarin.

“I’ll be back boys.” He singsonged, Doyoung trailing after him as they stepped outside of the cafe. “You’ve got me alone.” He blinked up at him through his lashes. “What was it you wanted?”

“My friend told me you’ve seen Yuta’s father.” Doyoung said point blank. No need to beat around the bush. He was here for answers. They boy tilted his head, squinting at him for a long moment, then he was snapping his fingers.

“I knew you looked familiar, you’re the guy that’s always with Yuta!” Ten shook his head, like he was shaking away a wistful thought. “Man what a day it was to find out that  _ the _ Yuta Nakamoto landed himself a boyfriend.” He held a hand over his chest. “Hearts were broken everywhere, including mine.” He sulked at Doyoung and Doyoung wasn’t having any of his playful humor. “Geez, lighten up. I was just kidding.” When Doyoung’s face remained neutral, Ten exhaled obnoxiously. “Fine, what about Yuta’s father?”

“My friend says you saw him on the news, is that true?”

“Yeah, his face has been everywhere. Are you living under a rock?” No, but he sure as hell wasn’t up to date with any current events. “There’s been talk of what’s going to happen to his company if he were to pass. They mentioned Yuta, but they keep addressing him as his mysterious son-”

“How do you know all this?”

“The news? I clearly said that before-”

“I mean, how did you know it was Yuta they were talking about? How do you know that it really is his father? Because apparently no one else knows exactly who his father is?” Ten hesitated.

“I- went to high school with him.” He finally admitted, seemingly guilty. “Look I know I shouldn’t be gossiping, especially when it’s something like this, but I just felt bad and I didn’t know what to do and-”

“Don’t worry about it. Just- can you show me the news clip?”

Doyoung returned to Yuta’s penthouse with the video file, heart thumping as he realized what this meant. Not only where Yuta’s father was, but the state he was in. It was no wonder he was hiding himself away from his son. He probably didn’t want to be seen like that. In such a fragile state. Yuta was fitted against the couch when Doyung stepped in. He gave him a smile, offering the space next to him, which Doyoung took with ease. He gave Yuta a peck on the cheek, his boyfriend whining. “What?”

“Give me a proper kiss, I haven’t seen you all day.” Yuta pouted, puckering his lips at him. Yuta wasn’t normally like this, but Doyoung couldn’t say he minded this new side of him. He obliged him, kissing Yuta gently. When his boyfriend tried to pry his lips apart, Doyoung leaned away. Yuta upset. “Now you don’t want my kisses?” Doyoung chuckled.

“I do, but I came by because I wanted to show you something.” His voice sounded choked, nerves fraying at him. Yuta noticed the shift, sitting up.

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m not sure, we’ll find out after you watch the video.” Yuta nodded slowly, eyes focused on Doyoung’s cell phone as he placed it between them. “Just- please let it play fully before you say anything.” Yuta nodded. When Doyoung pressed play, the screen showed b-roll of the outside of a hospital, the clip cutting to footage of foot traffic inside the hospital. It cut away to a man on a hospital bed and the gasp that left Yuta’s mouth meant he recognized said man. Doyoung shut his eyes. He couldn’t bear it, seeing the man so helpless, he felt his heart constrict. Yuta sounded no better, sobs wrecking him as the newscaster spoke of the future of the man’s company. As Ten said, they mention a son, but nowhere does Yuta’s name appear and Doyoung wasn’t sure of what Yuta thought of it. The video ended soon after, Doyoung slowly blinking his eyes open to see Yuta. He was still staring at Doyoung’s now black phone screen, left in a stupor with the news. “Yuta?”

He stood, picking up his coat and reaching for his shoes. “Yuta!” Yuta moved faster, slipping the shoes on by the door and running out, Doyoung hurrying to catch up. “Yuta!” He didn’t slow down, not even when the elevator shut on his face as he tried to step in after someone stepped out. He pushed at the door on the side, Doyoung rushing after him to see him running down stairs. His breath was ragged as he tried to keep up, Doyoung realizing he really needed to go to the gym. Smart comment aside, he was worried. Yuta seemed stoic, almost maniacal as he sped walked down the sidewalk. He was so focused, in fact, that he almost walked into ongoing traffic. Doyoung held him from his coat sleeve. “Babe?” Yuta’s body trembled and he finally met Doyoung’s eyes. They were red rimmed, fresh tears threatening to spill.

“Doyoung, my dad he-” The wall that Yuta always had seemed to break in that moment, Doyoung- the metaphorical wrecking ball- barreling into him in a bone crushing hug. “He needs me.” Doyoung held him, even after the red hand changed to white, signaling that they could cross. Doyoung just held him as he cried because Yuta needed him. Like Yuta’s father needed him. Yuta needed Doyoung. People walked around them, questioning glances as they regarded the couple, but Doyoung paid them no mind. It wasn’t any of their business. It was never anyone else’s business. This was just him and Yuta.

  
  
  
  


When Yuta had enough bearings to walk again, Doyoung held his hand and they walked to the hospital together. “Do you think he’ll recognize me?” Yuta asked as they were a block from the hospital, his doubts coming to light as the time to reconnect neared. Doyoung nodded.

“Of course he will, a parent can never forget their child.” Reassured, Yuta walked a little faster, tugging on Doyoung’s hand as the hospital came into view. Yuta paused at the front entrance. “Yuta?” Yuta gulped, breathing in slowly.

“I can do this.” He wasn’t sure who he was telling, Doyoung or himself. They walked up to the information desk. “Hello, I’m here for Mr. Nakamoto.” The woman glanced up at him as if he wasn’t the first.

“Alright, and your relation?” There was a bored undertone, like she half expected Yuta to say he was a reporter. However, her eyes widened when Yuta told her that he was his son. “Oh- my- can you…” She trailed off as she picked up the phone, dialing for a doctor. It was only a few minutes before someone new was before them, the man introducing himself as the doctor tending to Yuta’s father.

“Your father is doing… well for the time being. He’s been in and out of consciousness for the last few days, but his health hasn’t spiked. We’re doing everything we can to make sure that doesn’t change.” Yuta nodded, vulnerable as the doctor told him more about his father’s condition. “This isn’t the first time he’s been hospitalized, but it’s the first time he’s wanted to make it public.” Doyoung thought that maybe Yuta wasn’t the only one who wanted to find his father.

“Can we see him?” The doctor looked to Doyoung, then back at Yuta.

“I can only allow one visitor for the time being.” Yuta met Doyoung’s eye. He nodded to Yuta.

“Go on. I’ll wait out here.” 

Doyoung wasn’t very fond of hospitals. He can’t imagine anyone was. Hospitals reminded him of bad news, of sad times. Of all the crappy, yet emotional daytime television soap operas he watched sometimes because there was nothing on. He felt anxious as he waited. It wasn’t his father in there, but it was Yuta’s and Yuta was important to Doyoung.

It felt like hours had gone by when Yuta finally emerged, tear streaked cheeks and all. Doyoung had immediately held him, wondering what had happened behind closed doors. “Did you tell him?” Yuta was shaking, but eventually he was giggling, a lot more carefree than when they’d first arrived.

“I told him more than that.” Yuta explained, sitting down. “I told him that he should have called, should have let me know before it had gotten this bad.” He was still smiling and Doyoung thought that things would be okay. “I yelled so loud a nurse had to come and hush me, but- but I also told him that I was worried. I told him that it was unfair that he continued to walk away from me.” Doyoung brushed a stray piece of hair away from Yuta’s face.

“I’m proud of you.” Yuta wiped at his tears, tangling his fingers with Doyoung’s.

“I told him I was in love.” Doyoung blushed, trying to play off the smile that threatened to show.

“Yeah?” Yuta nodded.

“He wants to meet you.” Doyoung suddenly felt self conscious, hands leaving Yuta’s as he picked at his clothes. Was he really wearing the same shirt from last night? Oh God and his hair, he hadn’t showered- “Not today, silly. We’ve got time.” And he sounded like he meant it. Yuta’s father was going to be okay.

  
  
  
  


Doyoung does eventually meet Yuta’s father- though he’s not any more prepared than he was that first day. Yuta’s father resembled him a lot, in the way he smiled, the way he laughed, even the small details around his eyes. Doyoung smiled at the man, realizing that he wasn’t made of stone. Yuta’s father was sweet and he definitely showed it when he came to his son.

“Have you eaten?” Three words were enough for Doyoung to see that like father, like son, they showed their affection in the simple things. Yuta was there every other day while Doyoung went with him on the weekends. There was never much change and Yuta worried a lot if that meant things would suddenly get worse, but the doctors assure him that things were fine.

“Do you think he’ll ever get to come home?” Yuta asked one morning over breakfast. It was established that his father would come to live with him and Doyoung couldn’t be happier that things were going so well for Yuta. 

“He will.” He said it like he knew the future. Maybe he was psychic. A few days later, the doctors expressed their findings, saying that the man’s health was starting to improve the more his son visited. Yuta was happy to hear it, squeezing Doyoung’s hand as they heard the news. It was only a matter of days before he was being released, Yuta fawning over him as they drove back to the penthouse. Upon seeing the man, the doorman did a double take, falling to his knees in his haste to pay respects.

“Sir- I- this is unexpected.” Doyoung tried to ease the man off the floor, but it wasn’t until Yuta’s father asked that the man stood up again. “I’m glad to see you well.”

“I’m glad that I can be with my son again.” He said and Yuta beamed as they continued through the hall. Once inside the house, Doyoung went to make tea while Yuta sat with his father. “Son,” He could hear him say to Yuta. “There’s been something I’ve been meaning to talk with you about.” Doyoung slowed down his stirring, leaning back to hear more without actually going back into the living room. 

“What is it?”

“I may be back now, but I’ve grown older and I don’t know how much I have left-”

“Don’t talk like that.” Yuta pleaded, sounding distraight. Doyoung tried to see what they were doing, but the back of the couch blocked most of their movements. “You’re here now, that’s what counts.” He could see Yuta’s father placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad you’re with me. But there’s still things to discuss.Things like the company…” Yuta seemed frozen, his father going on. “I haven’t appointed an official successor in the hopes of your return. You’re here now and I’d like to ask… would you be willing- to take over I mean?” Doyoung’s eyes widen in surprise, he can only imagine Yuta doing the same.

“Father-”

“I don’t expect you to answer right away.” He assured. “I just wanted to ask. As my son, you deserve my success more than anyone. It can be my final parting gift… for all the wrong doing I’ve done since abandoning you.” It was silent, Doyoung choosing that moment to come in, placing the cups of tea on the coffee table.

“What’d I miss?” He acted like he hadn;t just overheard everything. Yuta’s father struck a different conversation with Doyoung in the room and things were civil up until dinner. Doyoung left again to make dinner and this time he let them talk in private. He wasn’t sure if Yuta had given him an answer, no signs as they ate dinner. When Yuta’s father retired to the guest room, Doyoung pulled Yuta to the kitchen. “What did you and your father talk about?” He said as they did the dished, hoping Yuta would offer more than what he could hear.

“Don’t act like you weren’t eavesdropping.” Yuta deadpanned. Doyoung acted affronted.

“What do you take me for?”

“A terrible actor.” Doyoung let out a laugh, smacking Yuta with a dish towel. “I’m sorry, but the way you walked in with the tea sure as hell gave away that you heard everything.” Doyoung frowned.

“Fine, so I did, but I don’t know what you told him while I was making dinner. Did you agree?” Yuta sighed, placing the dry plate away.

“I told him I need more time.” Doyoung nodded. Up until now, he was unsure what Yuta’s father did for business. He didn’t know if what Yuta was studying correlated into what the man did for a living. He wanted to ask, but he figured Yuta had already had enough with the conversation. The last dish was dried and Doyoung leaned closer to Yuta. He placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder.

“Whatever you choose, I’ll be right there with you.” He knew Yuta needed reassurance. Suddenly, he was being pressed into the counter. Doyoung squeaked as Yuta took him into a bruising kiss.

“Have I told you I love you.”

“Not today.” Doyoung teased. Yuta nipped at his bottom lip, Doyoung whining. “You’re mean.” He giggled. “But I love you too.”

  
  
  


Yuta decided to take a leave of absence while his father was staying with him. It meant less time with Yuta alone, but Doyoung was supportive, coming over periodically to make dinner and assuring everything was alright. However, he found himself at a loss, feeling like he was becoming more of a burden then a boyfriend. Everytime he went over, Yuta was engrossed in conversations with his father. It was all about the business, there’s this paperwork to look over, something that needs to be signed. Doyoung didn’t want to interrupt, so he started coming around less often. Yuta didn’t seem to care, too invested in his father to even call.

“Oh, you’re here?” Taeyong sounded surprised as he set his bag down.

“I live here.”

“Yeah, but you hadn’t been around lately. You were always so busy with Yuta.” Doyoung sighed. He missed Yuta. “Something happened?”

“Yuta’s dealing with something. I didn’t want to be in the way.” 

“Shouldn’t that be more reason to be with him? Since he’s having a hard time?”

“It has to do with his family, I just- don’t think I should be involved.” Taeyong rolled his eyes, coming to sit next to him.

“Doyoung, Yuta is someone important in your life, right?” Doyoung nodded. “Then I don’t see why this isn’t something you can be involved with, You’re important to Yuta too. You should be there with him.” Doyoung knew he was important to Yuta, but this was still something that he thought Yuta should do alone. But Taeyong’s pressuring eyes had him agreeing to go. “Good boy, say hi to him for me.”

Doyoung sneaked into Yuta’s apartment like he didn’t want to be seen. It was a hard feat, considering Yuta noticed him as soon as he stepped into the foyer. “What are you doing?” His father wasn’t with him and that was a first. Doyoung walked over slowly, scanning the immediate area like his father would just jump out. Yuta noticed. “He’s sleeping.”

“Oh.”

“Where have you been?” Doyoung took the spot next to Yuta, keeping an inch of space between them.

“School has been hectic.” He lied. Yuta could tell. Doyoung had never been a good liar.

“Tell me what’s really bothering you.” There was nothing bothering him, per say. He was just a clingy boy who wanted cuddles from time to time and he’d been neglected that right.

“I missed you.” He eventually managed, scooting over that extra inch so that their thighs pressed together. “A lot.” Yuta wrapped him up in a much needed hug. He felt warm, pressing his face into his boyfriend’s neck.

“But I haven’t gone anywhere?” Doyoung laughed, pulling away to peck at his boyfriend’s lips. 

“I know. You’ve just been caught up with your dad.” Yuta looked like he wanted to say something, but the other didn’t let him. “It’s okay! I know this is what you needed.” Yuta softened, bumping their noses together.

“Still, you should have told me how you felt.”

“I didn’t want to worry you, you’re dealing with your own things right now.” Yuta nodded, thinking. He leaned further away to look at Doyoung more clearly. 

“Now that you mention it…” He smiled and Doyoung smiled with him. “I think I’ve made a choice.”

“What is it?”

Yuta chose his father’s company. Doyoung knew he would. He’d done so much for him, this was Yuta’s way of paying him back for the years he never got the chance to say he was sorry. Doyoung hugged him, told him that even if he wasn’t going to graduate with him, he was still going to be there for him.

They’d come a long way since last year, Yuta had been such a mystery, but now… Now Doyoung knew him better than anyone. He was lucky to have met him that day. No matter the ups and downs. As hard as it was, he was here with Yuta now. And that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That pretty much wraps up this story. I'm sorry that it's still so open ended, but there's just a lot to try and wrap up in just a one shot and this honestly has gone on for more than I expected so I think it's best to end it here. Hope you still enjoyed it though.

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like there are a lot of unanswered questions but I'm not even sure how to answer them. maybe I'll make a part two when I figure it out


End file.
